/hikki/ - NEET / Advice

How are you certain of having SzPD? I don't intend to make this sound like a loaded question but what was your childhood like and what's the earliest age you point to of exhibiting introverted tendencies or being unable to socialize normally?

Yes, I have that. It was pretty miserable right out of high school and attempted suicide (poorly) once when I was contemplating the kind of existence it would be working some boring shit job eight hours a day for decades while having nothing to really draw much enjoyment from in life. That was 7 or so years ago, and my situation has improved a decent amount since. I can give more details if you want to know anything in specific.

>>7527
I was a pretty normal kid until around the age of 11-13. The most obvious 'symptom' was that I stopped going to parties: little gatherings and birthday parties were very common, but I found that I didn't enjoy them at all. I got along with people just fine, and the entire class was small and close knit, but I just got nothing out of it, and it was tiring to talk to people or be in crowds. Started refusing invitations (this was received suitably as 'strange' by peers and my parents but nobody made too big a deal out of it at the time).
Second obvious symptom was a complete lack of interest in relationships and women. Never had it, even at the age when the hormones are supposed to be at their highest. Well, there was one minor incident at age 11 around the time I was just stopping going to parties, but I'm pretty sure that was due to peer pressure, and there has never been any kind of urge since.

From then on I kept the 3 closest friends I'd made until the end of high school, and we were still close for that entire period, although I never 'missed' them or social interaction when I went without it. Nor did I ever feel compelled to contact them once high school ended. I've had no close relationships since, and have also mostly distanced myself from my family.

>>7528
I agree with the poster who says there's wires in the brain that are crossed "abnormally". And that while symptoms may line up with your experience and feelings it isn't nuanced enough to be sure, and I certainly don't trust any psychologist or psychiatrist to be honest or not themselves drugged-up. It says (on Wikipedia) you're born with SzPD which is why I asked for what age symptoms started. There are parallel disorders like negative schizophrenia, which eats at your personality and cranial function without the hallucinations, and leaves you apathetic towards reality, making human connections, and sex though I don't think SzPD decays you by itself as you already start at a "low point". SzPD is quite rare as a diagnosis though those who have it are fine with it or don't care for seeing mental health workers, so even on places as niche as this I question how common it is but it is somewhat plausible for 10-300 schizoids or similar gather on obscure imageboards. It couldn't be anything mentally "wrong" with us to begin with but just the internet's effects on societies and the current world order falling apart impacting our behaviors and morals and etc. because of what we find to be a proper reaction, like there's no future to look forward to.
>I can give more details if you want to know anything in specific.
What would you hope to get out of it.

>>7529
>What would you hope to get out of it.
Not much. It's just something I've never talked to people about in any depth, so I wanted to. Putting thoughts to text helps organize them. Plus it's a way to spend some time.
You can say these are selfish posts, since they're half written for myself.

> It says (on Wikipedia) you're born with SzPD which is why I asked for what age symptoms started
Really? I see onset listed at late childhood/adolescence, which tracks.

> It couldn't be anything mentally "wrong" with us to begin with but just the internet's effects on societies and the current world order falling apart impacting our behaviors and morals and etc. because of what we find to be a proper reaction, like there's no future to look forward to.
I don't think so. In my case, and by induction in the general case of szpd, I'm confident it falls far into the 'nature' end of the nature-nurture spectrum. I wrote out a whole spiel delineating the reasons I think so but it got real long and boring, so just believe me.

> so even on places as niche as this I question how common it is but it is somewhat plausible for 10-300 schizoids or similar gather on obscure imageboards.
You probably won't find many gatherings of schizoids, for obvious reasons. I've never seen one. But you might find more of them in this kind of place by chance than you would in a random sample of the population.

Regarding the issue of whether it's really a 'disorder', it's a nuanced problem. It's demonstrably made my life harder in the past to the point I can't in good conscience call it a bogus diagnosis, but even at my worst point I don't think I would've wanted 'treatment' to become more psychologically normal. And once you have a handle on exactly how you're different and have developed strategies, I've found the downsides navigable enough.
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>7531
I've read quite a lot of bores so yours can't be drudging as I'm interested in what you have to say and also because if I might have it. I have the "symptoms" to a T and don't think anything's necessarily wrong with me for having them but am still amicable towards the act of befriending and used to be a talkative person who cracked jokes (not that I was sunshine), though looking back at when I was homeschooled I would've been comfortable not saying anything to anyone and that I didn't want to be lonely hence why I forced myself to talk but that could just be me ignoring my gut to stop seeking others' approval. A lot of my morality may just come off as having it as well, and I don't know what came first and if it came subconsciously. I deduced I could be a sperg, negative schizo, depressed, a mere moody sycophant, etc. so I'd like to hear how you feel. The company I keep could've also made me one manually so maybe I was nurtured into it and therefore not really have it, or I surrounded myself with such people in the first place because our frequencies blended better. I'm playing up the disorder like it's supposed to fit into this box and personality that normal people who don't understand view it as which is obnoxious and insufferable but for the sake of covering all angles and its guidelines I muse. I know this post is garbage because I've recently been mindfucked. I want to know for myself if I have it because I am only a human and therefore can be quantified and understood better, not because I want a label.

>>7533
My situation is a bit different from yours, but I relate a lot to the hyper co-dependency and running away a from relationship and into another. Cultivating a sense of apathy can help shield you against toxic relationships, but it comes with the cost of everything feeling transient. Not sure how I can help, but I'm here if you want to talk - AngelSyrup#4138

Nice drawing, I hope things get better for you soon ♡

>>7534
Thank you ; w ;
I added you so we can talk.

>>7533
>>7534
Hello you two.

I can't relate to what you have been through, but I wanted to say that I am glad that you don't put up with abusive relationships. This only makes you worse, so always get away from that.
You >>7533 say that you can move in with your family. If you are on good terms with them, then I would take that offer. It can help you gain some sense of stability again and you won't be beaten. Maybe you can even start to work a little, maybe to save for the future? Or do you feel like you need therapy? Perhaps then you can try to move in together with somebody again, when you are in a better situation. Hopefully >>7534 has a family who is willing to support too.
I am not from the USA so I can't really extend a hand to you two, but your story really makes me to give you a hug. Good luck to you.

>>7448
Is it easier to get a boyfriend than a girlfriend, or are other men just as selective in who they prefer?

I was bullied, not just by kids but also by their parents, for having ADHD. Back then, at least where I'm from, ADHD was seen as some sort of infectious disease and so it was very common for me to make a friend and then their parent telling them to not just stop talking to me, but also to make fun of me and bully me. This resulted in me having to change schools several times, also me pissing myself in class from being bullied too much a few times, throwing up a lot both because of being bullied and also health issues in class, and just generally just being made a fool of a lot. This also extended outsid of school in places I would typical frequent (I used to like swimming a lot so we went to this swimming club a lot) in which I would again be made a fool out of by the same people who would also get kids who were my friends to turn against me. This lasted for a while but eventually I transferred to a school in which this stopped happening.

Then the school, and furthermore my countries government, assigned me a teacher assistance to follow me around for every single class I took as part of a new assisted learning program in which I was patient 0 of. This stuck with me until I was around 16. I'll be honest with you, I loved 90% of the teachers they gave, and they really helped me with a lot, but with that also came a lot of bullying for being seen as a retard. I didn't really have any friends during this time

Sometime around 10 I got my first computer, found 4chan (unlucky) and went from a super fit swimchad into an obese hardcore introvert within a year. While I wasn't bullied hard or anything at this time people also used to throw trash at me (i guess because i was a social reject?) When I was about 14 I finally made a group of friends and even a few people I considered best friends.

When I was 15 one of these best friends raped me. When I told another best friend of mine after he kept asking what was wrong he later got drunk at a massive party and seemingly told my whole school. I don't think I really need to tell you what happened as a result.

When I was 16 I went to another school where I made a decent group of friends, who later would influence me to do an assortment of drugs (mostly weed but also psychs, 2cb, ket, etc) which resulted in me now having schizoaffective disorder and my doctor telling me if I were to ever do another psychadelic again I will end up full blown schizophrenic.

During 16-18 I had a gPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

holy shit I've been looking for a thread like this. I'm obsessing over the past. I worry that even if i become the president or something crazy like that, people will find out about my past and destroy all that I will have accomplished up to that point. This is why I have no ambition.

Don't really have it in me to write anything long-winded at the moment, but I struggle with daily things normal people find effortless and it sucks, especially at my age. I've only kind of learned to conceal it and play it cool, but this base incompetence follows me around no matter where I go it seems like.

Embarrassment is a huge set off for me. Spent a lot of my childhood as a non masking autistic and I ended up getting in a lot of shit situations because people could point at me and say ‘yep that’s definitely an autistic.

must’ve been in like fourth grade when I realised I had forgotten one day that it was own clothes day (uniformed school lel) and everyone else had come in their clothes while I was in my uniform. Ended up having a huge meltdown in the street because of my embarrassment, got stared at loads.
Own clothes days have set me off ever since, I even broke down in twelfth grade when I realised I had done it again and I had to go home because I was crying so much.

I still don’t know how to deal with it, since embarrassment kind of comes pre packaged with being autistic in such a society. Getting jeered at, stared at, wondering why you’re so different.

Embarrassments just never been my favorite feeling in the world

>>7510
Oops, I forgot to type anything. I have never browsed either of those websites you mentioned, but now I'm curious. I'm bored, so I guess I'll check them out and try to wrap my head around your analysis. I'm largely apathetic about society. I don't know if that's better or worse than being invested. I feel like I'm not a part of this story, but I like finding out about things, so thanks for this detailed post

>>6470
>>6550
I was hoping the story would stay simple and cute.

>>7510
What happened to tohno? I can't access it.

>>7525
It's still up but it supports http only.

>>7486
This is nuts, you're insane



Post more

>>7493
why is it always femboy asians that do this (nice stockings)

I cut my arms up really bad in my mid-late teens/early twenties. It's definitely been hard to deal with but you learn to live with it and wonder sometimes why the fuck you did it. The mind adapts.

Also, I'm not sure why you get called a teenage girl when you admit to it when I can provide countless examples of fairly masculine men self-cutting. Seems like posturing to me, especially on these sorts of places.

>>7515
Here you go. Add me if you want, I'm not going to post anything graphic here anyway. Maybe you can be my next obsession. AngelSyrup#4138

>>7517
Thanks ♡

>>7521
I'm not sure - maybe directing anger inwards is perceived as feminine & directing it outwards is seen as masculine.

>>7487
I did cut some. It's taken me a long time to recover, but I have. I don't cut anymore.

How old are you? And I don't really have a schedule, but I have a list of things I set for myself to do each day (which may or may not get done). I also have anxiety and some bipolarism. Writing music usually helps me, but sometimes I start and then think to myself "why bother?" Funnily enough, listening to blues music is also extremely cathartic for me. I was an edgy metalhead most of my life and then started listening to some Albert King and SRV and it was like an epiphany.

Hello Denied.

Normally I wake up at around 1-2pm. If my mother is in the house, I order her to make me a bowl of porridge. Failing that, I'll begrudgingly head down to the kitchen to prepare myself a pot. After my daily bowl of oats, milk and honey, I like to meander over to the back garden where I'll sit on the deck chair for several hours listening to music on my iphone. (Slip Knot, Korn, ABBA, Linkin Park etc.) I enjoy this.

When the sun isn't shining on my glorious Aberdonian seaside cottage, I'll sit by the fire on my chair and play runescape on my lap top. This, and idle browsing of chan websites contines until around 3-4am, where I will the retire to my spacious race car bed.

If I am lucky my mother will prepare for me a dish of haggis, neeps and tatties.

Another factor i neglected to mention was that this daily routin is interuppted by bi weekly excursions to the job centre. I dislike going to the job centre as it involves leaving the house/back garden.

Regards

John

>What I'm wondering are your days usually like? Do you have a schedule?
wake up at lunch time
go to bathroom
eat a chocolate bar and drink some ice tea
check out imageboards, news and crypto currency prices
fire up PS3 and play video games
go on pc and watch anime or movies
go to bed

>If you have mental issues what helps you cope? Just curious
I am socially retarded and clumsy and I only feel at peace when I distract myself and interact with my immediate world the least possible. I am also sensitive to stress

>>2799
Boring
I think a big part of my depression is never using my brain

>>7464
I think I relate to this. I'm not an awkward person and I like to think I'm pretty normal, but what gets me are the days where I'm unproductive, like today. I was gonna study for this big test I have coming up, but I also enjoy working on my car a lot. It's very therapeutic to sit outside, put on some tunes and just proceed to fuck around with my project car. Today, however, I did neither of those things and I feel like shit because of it. I woke up at 8am today with motivation to really get shit done, but it's now just past 8pm and I'm thinking of all the hours wasted watching youtube videos and bullshitting when I could've studied for just an hour and it would've meant something and then maybe I'd feel okay to go work on my car. Fuck man just thinking about this kinda sucks, but tomorrow, even with much less free time during the day, I'm gonna tackle both those things and more. I can feel it

who is the wageslave?

this is not funny

draw myself

Self portrait. What do you think?

>>7513
cute :3

>>1505
>I'm still not happy
There's some root problem you're not adressing.

>>6529
>The problem isn't her, it's your job. Find a way to work less so you have more time to yourself.

He did say best case scenario is become neet and keep GF rather than NEET and drop GF or have or NEET and no GF

>>6559
I felt the need to reiterate I guess because other posters were telling him to drop his girlfriend and I think this is a bad idea.

>>1505
Had this life and was not happy, but returning to NEET life isnt the answer

>>6529
bad advice