Your thoughts and feelings aren't invalidated just because they aren't as dramatic as others' nor your feelings unworthy of being expressed or left to be undeveloped, and that emptiness you feel counts as your chagrin, you don't have to lash out for that to be proven. Everyone has an interiority or inner world that shouldn't be denied on account of feeling spoiled or privileged, of which feeling spoiled or privileged is a matter of self-reflection. There is no other person to be but the soul you possess and body you inhabit.
>even if that's incredibly insensitive and selfish to say or think
It's not even if it is about harming your body and the state of mind to do so, everyone wants what the other has. Someone wishes they were as cool-headed as you and you wish you were as expressive or genuine as they. Harming themselves was their choice as well.
I feel the same as you do, and also don't really care for anyone close to me. I'm wearing a cloak to fit in with the mood and spirit of people like this because anywhere else I would stick out so I feel dishonest or unworthy in comparison to things other people went through or did especially if out of their control. But maybe I do have enough emotional strife to have gotten off at this station. Maybe many of the people I met didn't have it that bad or used their circumstances to justify being shitty people, maybe I'm just compensating for my weak pathos.
Sorry in advance if this is stupid or unnecessary.