/hikki/ - NEET / Advice

I don't have an imaginary friend

>>2906
Sometimes I talk to objects (like the batteries in my remote) and pretend like they're alive and give them voices but I dont think this counts

I used to have a waifu who I imagined and talked to. It actually helped a little, like when I was in stressful situations I would imagine her there, reassuring me and telling me things were going to be okay, which would calm me down.

when i was a teenager i used to have a tulpa kaworu boyfriend i used to talk to all the time on my way home from highschool.
funnily enough after some time I would genuinely feel some form of love emotion when he was being affectionate towards me.

That make belief love was stronger than any love I've ever felt from real people

I believe there's a spirit guide that watches over me. I've never communicated with it one to one, but it'll manipulate reality around me and put me in situations that I can learn from, while also making sure I'm okay. I believe it's a female entity, almost like a motherly figure that keeps me on the right track in life. Sometimes bad things will happen, but I always end up learning something important from those happenings that I needed to know later on. The only time I feel like I saw her was during a DMT trip where I saw it as this all encompassing geometrical figure orbiting my life like the moon. We didn't communicate in that instance either, but I'm almost certain it was her. Looking back on life, it was always kinda obvious I was being protected. I'd get out of incredibly dangerous and life ruining situations unscathed. Wasn't until a couple years ago where I thought about it and started believing that an entity/guardian angel must be protecting me. I think she does it because I have a higher purpose in life, which gives me confidence to make big decisions and chase my dreams. I don't feel invincible, but I do definitely feel like there is a path I can follow, kinda like the good ending, that this entity presents to me and it's my choice to follow.

(Interstellar spoilers) The best way I can describe how it feels is like when Cooper discovers, at the very end of Interstellar, that the beings helping them, the ones they thought were aliens, were actually higher dimensional humans. We never see definite proof of this claim, but it's what Cooper believes after he thinks about all they've experienced and how they experienced it. Love that movie btw, everyone should watch it

>>7400

No, I couldn't even win at this

Almost a bingo, huh

I hate my life

>>7459
Actually, you got diagonal double bingo.

thought I'd hit a lot less than I did but here I am

>>3631
as a working programmer who did not start at 10 and used to feel the same way this is almost entirely BS and you are fine

learn c OP

The problem with todays work market is that every single company, no matter how shitty it is, wants only the crème de la crème of the work force. They can afford their behaviour today because the work market today is a global one. You cannot find a genius engineer that will work for 15% less pay than average? No problem, put an add in estonia, you will have 50 applicants for this offer in no time.

However, times are not getting hard for us here. Very bad times are ahead of us and I doubt

In Japan, already 39% of the workforce is only part time employed. That means they work 7 hours a day, 6 days a week and earn 3 dollars per hour. Full time employment means you work 12 hours per day for a little more. People who lose their jobs end up homeless very fast because there is no unemployment money or welfare from the government. Young people who earn badly often end up in appartements with up to 8 or 9 other young people in similar situations.

In China, many factories are closing and the labourers who came from rural villages cannot find new work anymore because when you are past age 35 nobody wants you anymore. Many factories are beeing abandonned and rebuilt in cheaper places like Vietnam, Bangladesh and soon Burma. Many of those people are forced to leave the cities and go back to their ancestoral homelands in the villages. Then you have other Chinese who are young but still struggle to survive in cities even with jobs. I watched how one newspaper reporter lives in a bunker/basement and barely can afford the rent. Then one couple that lives in a bungalow with no running water and a shared toilet with 10 other "appartements". Then at the same time, there are ghost cities everywhere beeing built. I always believed that those ghost cities don't belong to anyone but this is wrong. Rich upper middle class people have bought those appartements in the ghost cities and now try to turn a profit on those investments by renting or selling it.

In America you have tent cities on the rise everywhere. Homeless people make up about 1% of the population already. In Silicon valley, rents have become so expensive that even workers from the prestigous tech companies cannot afford to rent and instead live in their cars. This is all happening while about 14% of real estate is not occupied by anyone. Bureau of statistics claims that jobs are in recovery mode but they do not tell you that most of the new jobs beeing created are waiter and bartendePost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>3625
Can attest , the 4 hour introductory python and C++ programming tutorials are great.

>>3674
ninja

>>7434
Where did you go out to?
How did you find a job you like?

>>7429
>Even if it's just finishing an anime series, sit down and watch. Don't think - just process input.
I find myself wholeheartedly agreeing with doing this. You can waste so much time thinking yourself out of doing something, which just leads to more inaction, causing you to fill your time with more thinking since you aren't doing anything. Lately I have revoked my thinking privileges and seeking out new experiences has become easier. Just have to be careful not to mindlessly soak in too much if you care about what you let into your mind.

Everything outside of absolute basics I cannot do. I am bored? Use the internet, gives me something to do. Hungry? Go downstairs, get food. Go down the hall to the bathroom afterwards. Anything other than these things just feels so hard to do.

I start a journal, I can’t bring myself to ever write in it consistently. Even shows are too difficult sometimes, feels like a chore to watch them sometimes. The novelty wears off.

I used to write. People have always complimented my writing skills my whole life.
I used to dick around in GIMP, editing photos into cool-looking posters or weird surrealist messes.
I used to make videos. Little skits, video game footage, montages, etc.
I used to make music. Badly, but I still tried.

Now? I just sit around all day, stuffing my face with junk food looking at the same old websites because it is slightly less boring than doing anything else.

I have a stalker family member, the stress induced from constantly having this ugly fat deluded person literally wanting to listen/watch everything I do causes me to not be able to think straight. I literally stay up nights sometimes in the bathroom hiding because our rooms are next to each other and even then he'll make attempts to step out of his room quietly and try to listen to what I'm doing

I had motivation to do several things over the past years but would just get swept away by the stress, I still strongly believe living somewhere else away from this person and these people in general would vastly improve my quality of life in ways that are unimaginable to me in this moment.

>>7436
It doesn't matter where you go, you just have to get out of your comfort zone and go somewhere. I started going to local 5national parks, beaches, dance clubs, car meets, concerts, flea markets etc. It doesn't really matter. The point is, you're exposing yourself to what you may think you aren't interested in or just stuff that makes you a little uncomfortable. Do whatever comes naturally when you get there. The only thing you cannot allow yourself to do is leave early because "This is stupid, why am I even doing this?" or "I don't even wanna be here, I'd rather be at home anyways." Ignore all that and expose yourself to the world around you. I didn't like parks and I still don't like parks, but walking around in a safe place I wasn't familiar was an experience and it led me to other things I was actually interested in, like walking through urban cities I wasn't familiar with. I know that might sound strange, but you have no idea what you'd actually like to do until you throw yourself out there.

Apply to jobs that you are just semi interested in for whatever reason. Do pizza delivery or something random. For me, I got a job at a car dealership because Joey Diaz, a guy I really admired at the time, would talk about working as a salesmen at a car dealerships on his podcast that I listened to a lot. That was the ONLY reason I applied to a dealership. I got the job as a porter, which is someone that literally just parks cars and pulls them up for customers. I learned a lot of things just being in that environment. Things I would never have learned otherwise. After working there for a while, I discovered that I have an actual interest in cars that I would never have realized had I not worked around them. For context, I never gave a shit about cars up until then.nI was a good employee, so my boss was open to training me as a mechanic. I didn't originally want to become a mechanic because I was afraid of change, but then I realized that this was a real opportunity before me that I was gonna miss out on because of misplaced fear and complacency. I snapped to my senses and pushed like fuck to get that new position and I loved it. I still love it. I ended up buying my own project car because of the skills I learned working on other cars and have met so amazing people and have made so many amazing irl friends because a mutual interest in something that I would hPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>7361
>>7367
Just want to say I relate to you two a lot, thanks for stopping by.

>When you talk to someone, even if the words lose meaning to you, you can still sometimes convey something to people.
This is something I've been thinking about a lot recently. There's this now deleted internet man I used to watch, he could carry a monologue by what seems like stream of consciousness (but was actually burning prepared firewood) for an hour or more, like he was firing a gatling gun of phlegm onto you. It's incredible to me that someone can generate thoughts that fast, when I want to say something non-trivial it takes me hours of tinkering, twisting, and expanding the scope, until the sentences are mauled into oblivion and the scope is the entirety of being and unbeing. I want the crystallisation to be immaculate and for everything to be crystallised. But that's not what art is about (at least it doesn't HAVE to be) and he knew that. It didn't matter if something he said communicated the wrong thing, because it communicated SOMETHING, there was a new colour on the recipient's mind, and he would say 100 other things in the next minute anyway. In the time it takes me to paint a stroke he could have painted a damn MURAL and gone back to chopping wood. I'm trying to be more like that. This post probably took me about 20 minutes, which is probably slow to you but it's an improvement for me. Really I don't care about expressing things. Really I don't believe in other people. But I'd like to burn for a while.

>>7371
Change "generate thoughts" to "word thoughts". Maybe it's against the point to make revisions, nyeeh I don't care.

>>7361
>No matter what an author puts out there, it's interpretation all falls on the reader. When you talk to someone, even if the words lose meaning to you, you can still sometimes convey something to people.

This helps put things into perspective a bit, actually. I don't know if it's because I need to build up this perfect thing necessarily as a writer would, but I get so trapped in the moment wondering if my words aren't landing with enough meaning to whoever's listening, or if I've lost my point by overdoing it as other anons have expressed. This overload tends to default my personal self as somewhat aloof and I hate that. Dissosciation quickly comes into play when even trivial social interactions start to affect my fragile sense of self and I wonder what kind of person I'd even want to be read as. I think it boils down to wanting to be seen as receptive or charming by trying to guess some ideal input they're looking for without doing too much or flattening out my own ideas in the process. Ironically it's maybe just that I tend to let my loneliness do the talking for me. If it's autism I hope it can at least be seen as quirky if I'm caught too off guard, but maybe all I need to do is be more off guard. You're right though, it does all just depend on the other person anyway too, this idea alone might me help put less pressure on it all.

I believe in God and the existence of other physical and non-physical realms. I believe in the existence of my waifu in another realm, that she loves me, and that my falling in love with her is a manifestation of her having chosen me. I also believe very naturally in the minds of others and a reality outside my mind.

But in quiet moments where I'm all alone and there's nothing distracting me I realize that all of that are no more than hallucinations in my own individual mind, and that all this time I've been alone interacting with my hallucinations. This realization is to me so distressing that physical pain becomes desirable to distract me from it. Even evil becomes justified as a distraction.

So I keep chasing to be by her side, the only place I truly belong. Perhaps in my next life after this one of isolation and emptiness is finally over. It's the only meaning this life of lies has. But it was in a world full of lies that I found her.

Above all, I wish to forget and be fully immersed back in these dreams, being forever none the wiser.

>>6999
this guy again.
recently my derealisation seems to happen more often due to anxiety and depression. i noticed it happens a lot when i am in a particularly depressed state or when i am in a situation that makes me feel uncomfortable and anxious. also depersonalisation is happening more often when i am around people, when i have to walk past people it feels like my body goes on autopilot
>>7441
i daydream a lot and a similar thing has happened to me. feels like i am in the dream of this girl i saw in a dream once and see in my daydreams, like she is real but this “real world” isnt and i am just the protagonist of her dream. but her dream is more like an alternate universe. so her dream has BECOME an alternate universe (this one) where i am the only being with any basis, everyone else is an NPC with nothing behind it. eventually when i die i will be united with her in her universe. she is the god of this realm and controls everything around me and what happens to me

occasionally have moments of clarity where i realise i am delusional though

>>7310

Hmmm, sounds interesting, problem is I live in France and there's not a lot of those in here, I lived in small communities but there always was a problem with drugs/alcohol among members, the best community experience I had was during COVID, I lived at some friend's uncle's farm for 2 months and it was great, we just did not keep on after COVID…

>>7310
sounds like communism

>>7321
I can imagine drugs and alcohol in communities being a major problem. I've seen it myself, Twin Oaks specifically has fairly well put together people for the most part, they're really good at letting in people who are constructive for the community and making it a safe place for families (last I visited there were 4 families with children there.)
Anyways, that really sucks that this sort of thing isn't as common in France, I would have thought that less individualist countries would have more intentional communities if anything.

>>7383
They interact with the market through the cooperatively owned and operated businesses on site, (seed exchange, hammock factory, tofu factory, farm, furniture and woodworking workshop, etc) but internal to the community, yah, it is very communistic. Their catchphrase is, "Not Utopia Yet." Clothes, medical care, a monthly stipend, food, comfortable shelter and empathetic people are all really valuable things to have guaranteed even when the more consumer pleasures of our general society are less present there. And I really want to emphasize, there's no culty shit, they don't ask for any of your money and are officially secular though members are welcome to practice their respective religions.
The reason I'm not there right now is because I visited as a teenager and was too young to be settling down in a place like that and because I (perhaps foolishly) have tried to engage with the status quo instead and have been utterly failing at it for nearly 7 years now. Community college was awful, I can't manage to motivate myself to work a "real" job, I've just been sat in my room now for years. Maybe if I'm still like this at 30 I'll actually go back. I'd miss my mom though, she's probably the only reason I've stayed this long.
Here's some pics of one of my favorite rooms (a reading room with wifi) in one of the buildings there and a view from one of the bathroom windows. When you've grown up in moldy run down rentals your whole life the rooms in these images are luxurious. I have more pics if uboanons are interested, the buildings get nicer the more recently built they are there. The ones from the 70s are pretty small with small ceilings and some of the newer ones have modern 15ft ceilings in the hallways and big common roPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>7386
>When you've grown up in moldy run down rentals your whole life the rooms in these images are luxurious.
True, I've never lived in a place as good looking and comfortable as those in your pictures. It's a bit shocking that a community like this survived for 50 years by itself. I assume they don't just let you sit on your ass all day but make you work for your stay? Probably still a better place than an actual workplace though

>>7386

Well, there are a few commmunities and I'm looking for some that might be under my radar, I'm hoping to be part of one in a year or two…

Problem is in less "individualistic countries" as you call them, people are less pressured to create viable alternatives to the system because they can just have free housing and a little bit of money for the rest of their lives, hence they become apathetic and actually more individualistic than ever, quite the paradox but it also kinda makes sense…

I was on Hikkichan for quite a while. Sometimes I use the Wayback Machine to re-read the archive of that site.

>>7362
I have no idea how to code or create a webpage let alone maintain it so no, I cannot do it.

>>7390
You need to have Linux skills if you want to host a chan. Knowing how to program (preferably in the same language that the chan software uses) is only beneficial but it's not a hard requirement. Also, knowing some SQL can be beneficial as well (but it's not a hard requirement either).

Some resources:
- Start with https://www.w3schools.com/html/default.asp and the w3schools CSS tutorial. But don't use the rest of w3schools tutorials because they suck.
Another great resource is https://developer.mozilla.org/en-US/docs/Learn

- Learn Linux skills: https://xubuntu.org/ + https://www.virtualbox.org/ + https://linuxcommand.org/tlcl.php
(you can also dual-boot Linux and Windows. You just need to use Windows disk management utilities to shrink a partition. Reserve 20GB or more for Linux. Use the existing EFI System Partition and make at least the / (root) file system. But the Xubuntu installer should ask if you want to use the free space and it should do the partitioning automatically in that case). You can use Rufus (https://rufus.ie/en/) to make a flash drive that contains the Xubuntu installer and the live environment. You can use PowersHell to check the integrity of the installation iso file: Get-FileHash xubuntu.iso -Algorithm SHA256

(You can first practice installing Xubuntu using VirtualBox virtual machine without making any changes your real HDD)


- (optionally) Learn how to program: https://automatetheboringstuff.com/

Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>7325

Can't you just go live in a trailer park in some shitty state where nobody wants to live?

I'm from France so I just dunno how things work in the US, just wondering…

>>7326
Even trailer homes in shitty states cost money, and I really don't have enough. Even if I did, I can't seem to pass the driving test on account of severe social and performance anxiety. Everything in most parts of the U.S., most of all the states no one wants to live in, everything is so spread out that one must own a vehicle even to get to the nearest grocery store.

>her
who is this exactly. looks like your only other option is to go on something like craigslist and find a cheap room. or if you're in the city try looking for cheap 24/7 Turn Key offices.

These rentable offices will let you come & go whenever, you just need to look like you don't obviously live there. you'd still have to figure out a shower/laundry situation though

not an immediate solution for you op, but if you end up homeless one day, you can always get a bus and go into a better state. massachusetts provides healthcare to all residents (even homeless) which includes some psych services. it's small and more urban so everything is close together and walkable. and you can always try your luck at a homeless shelter when you get there in the interim. it's not good, but it's a contingency with an ounce of hope at least.

i have a friend with some kind of undiagnosed psychotic disorder, he's in a pretty rough position and i've been considering rooming with him for a year or so to bring him back to the states and try and help him out, but also help me out too, i can't afford a place on my own.

>>7313
No, I'm still living with my parents. But I think there is nothing to be shamed of if you live with your parents. I wouldn't talk to anyone if I lived on my own, so I think living with my parents is better for my mental health.

>>7313
>formative years
time spent is part of you. don't regret it. I've only recently moved away at 27 and I still rely on charity to get by. It's okay to rely on others, but always make sure you're doing something positive for yourself so you can grow and stand on your own.

Later is better than never.