Oh, I wasn't aware this board existed. I'm glad it does, looks like just the place for me. I used to browse /hikki/, and /n/ before that, and now that I'm on a bumpy road to normalfaggotry, I'm pleasantly surprised Ubuu keeps offering me a place to talk about life stuff. Even though I haven't played Yume Nikki or derivatives/clones since about 2012… I'm sorry for the upcoming disorganised post. There's much I'd like to say, but I have little time.
I "graduated" from NEETdom about 4.5 years ago. I think I even posted about it on /hikki/ somewhere at some point.
Some days I wish to stay in bed, or just quit my job and live off of my savings for a while. I'm far from the best employee. My work performance is very unreliable, and I've been communicated that twice on no uncertain terms, being denied a yearly raise. That happened this year, too.
Looking back, I feel like I've mostly only continued to languish since getting the job, and am barely hanging on by a thread. When I was at my worst, I would bottle up all my emotions, being unable to tell them to anyone out of shame or because I did not want to bother them. That's the primary driver of my work performance plummeting, as that made me avoid my co-workers and resent my job for always feeling like a fraud and a disappointment to my team.
I have been working remotely almost exclusively since the pandemic began, and honestly I like that, it's nice to have peace and quiet, and do some chores on the side to keep my place tidy and comfy, but some days I've abused home office by sleeping during work hours, sometimes wasting an entire work day and causing me to panic. At least sometimes I have also worked for my job in my free time to make up for the losses.
A few months ago I forced myself to open up to my co-workers about my feelings or face being fired if I continued to avoid them and fail to do my job. It's a constant source of embarrassment telling them my doubts, fears and anxieties, and admitting my ignorance to them repeatedly, risking looking stupid when asking questions they might consider basic, but it does help me get those emotions off my chest so I can actually get to work. Now I'm on a waiting list to a psychotherapist so I can hopefully learn some strategies for better handling my emotions, or for dealing with procrastination.
I work as a software tester. I think I've told that on /hikki/ somewhere before, too. I've stuck to this one job for yPost too long. Click here to view the full text.