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/hikki/ - NEET / Advice

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🎉🎉🎉 Happy Birthday Madotsuki! 🎉🎉🎉

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I genuinely don't know how to connect with people anymore. They always say making online friends is an easy option, but I can't even bring myself to digitally chat to anyone about my interests. Even posting this is taking up a lot of nerve for me. Nearly graduating college, and I haven't made a singular friend in university. My classmates are either arrogant, rich kids or pretentious know-it-alls. I don't know what I wanna do once I graduate. Probably get a job and earn some money. It's kinda pathetic to say that I wanna earn enough so I could afford seeing a therapist. Therapy is so expensive here, I haven't even had an actual medical check-up in years. And not to be that guy who self-diagnoses mental illness, but I think there is something up with me that can't be just chalked up to "introversion". I want really do wanna make friends, but at the same time, I feel detached and disconnected from everyone. I just feel like every person I meet is temporary, hence why I don't really put in much effort into long-lasting relationships.

I made one online friend, and that was because I was so fucking desperate and possibly manic that I messaged them first. Haven't been close with them recently. Now, I still wanna talk to them, but I don't want to bring them down with my bullshit depressing nonsense. My cousins keep inviting me to go out and I'm grateful for them. But, I can't help feeling like a charity case. I know full well there's some pity there, and that my parents asked them to hang out with me. Likely because they were that worried I was a piece of shit loner. I don't wanna come off as being completely sad, I feel kinda okay actually, it's just it feels like I'm just floating by directionless, making no impact on anything or anyone.
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OP here. Sorry, I'm new to forums so I dunno the etiquette and how to format yet.

I did join organizations in my university. Unfortunately, we're still mostly on online classes so I haven't had the opportunity to meet new people yet. The orgs have their own discord servers, but again, I'm mostly a lurker and I don't know how to approach people digitally either.

>It's hard to be friends with someone if you always look down on them or find a reason not to like them. People are more than their outward appearance.

Admittedly, I wrote the original post when I was in a bitter mood. I know that there's more to people than outward impressions, and that I gotta lighten up. Still, I've been with some of my classmates for years now, and I was not clicking with their personalities. Some of them are just generally unlikeable and complain a lot— and I worry that those traits rubbed on me 'cause I'm not any better.


Honestly don't worry about the formatting too much. I used to get on anons for it until I saw many 4chan archives from 2003-5 that were filled with anons reddit spacing, using tumblr grammar before tumblr existed, and using lolspeak. In other words, anons have formatted and talked in a myriad of ways for many years and the collective beatings we give each other are more to just collectively beat each other than to actually maintain any culture. It's somewhat taboo for me to be explaining all this upfront, anons are generally supposed to learn through the aforementioned beatings, but I like this place and find it more constructive to explain on smaller boards.
That said, posts are generally considered more readable when formatted without a space inbetween paragraphs, opting instead to just hit enter and type new paragraphs on the immediate next line. Grammar doesn't matter much, but at least using capital letters at the start of a sentence and using periods is generally appreciated too.

/\ The paragraphs above follows readability formatting convention. I've noticed that sometimes spaces between large paragraphs when there are a lot of paragraphs are tolerated depending on the board too. Some boards will call this "reddit spacing." Notice how my first two paragraphs don't have a space between them but this one does. Below I will provide an example of what I personally consider to be true reddit spacing, this is actually kind of obnoxious in my view, but board culture too has embraced it in various points of its own history. In terms of vernacular, you will pick up what words mean and what normal words to replace with board culture synonyms overtime.

im writin dis 2 demonstrate teh most obnoxious form ov formattin

in da 2000s dis wuz wai MOAR common

ins't dis kind ov annoyin?

imagine readin it on CRT ( ◕▿◕ )

(Secretly though, I love old emoticons, and am totally fine with them, this board seems to be too sometimes.)


I didn't know that spacing paragraphs was called reddit formatting. I always did that when the adjacent paragraphs weren't related, because it's just easier to read.

Fuck sticking to conventions decided by other people, though. Unless it's extremely obnoxious (as you point out), or just plain unreadable because of poor use of punctuation, anything is fine, really.

I would suggest just sticking to a general chat rather than trying to befriend people individually. Those that like you will eventually interact with you more, and if you also feel someone is interesting, you should definitely interact with them if that's what you want. There's also no pressure to "keep a conversation appealing" or worrying about what to say, etc. Because you're not the person who drives the conversation in the first place. Just think of it as throwing some words at the wind.
I used to have the lurker syndrome like you, but my (rare) contributions were usually appreciated by a few people, who eventually became close friends. I have to admit that they were more ongoing / not as timid as I was, which helped as they typically initiated the interactions, but I don't see why you shouldn't find similar people.

Now, this is all anecdotal (and therefore not a magic solution that works for everyone), but please do consider just trying even if you don't feel comfortable / you're nervous to say what you think. Especially on the internet, most people just spout random shit, so in the worst case, people will not really think too deeply about what you say, and in the best case, you might find similar-minded buddies.


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Can I offer some advice as an extroverted autistic?

How i've always made friends is by finding common ground. Where i'm from, it's not unusual to talk to strangers especially if something happened, such as a late bus, or a shit class. It's often just small talk and a shared laugh but if you play your cards right and have enough time, you might just be able to introduce yourself to whoever you're talking with.
Met one of my closest friends because i was reading jojo's bizarre adventure in class and they asked about it (i admit i went on a bit of an autistic rant about it, but it paid off)

finding common ground is key to having a really good topic of conversation, so if you want to make some close friends, seek out places oriented around your interests. You don't have to be totally active in them, just shoot a 'hello chat; gif or something once in a while and you'll eventually strike up a convo

>I just feel like every person I meet is temporary, hence why I don't really put in much effort into long-lasting relationships.

Unfortunately that is the nature of friendships. eventually, they will fade. However, i also think that's what makes friendships so good: limited time. Opening yourself up and making memories before everything fades is what makes them so precious.

You are almost definitely going to have to open up and start actively seeking them out, like when you were in your possibly manic state, but trust me, the self pity is worth the connection times a thousand.

I imagine seeking out a much more outgoing person as a friend could work: as one of those people we often take the more introverted ones under our wing. I was always the loud and slightly obnoxious one out of my friend group of depressed autistics

I hope things get easier for you anon!


This is really informative, thanks! I generally just try breaking up my thoughts into multiple paragraphs to avoid big blocks of text. Still adjusting to board culture, especially with all the slang and vernacular. Might commit a faux pas, but I'll probably learn as I go.

>I would suggest just sticking to a general chat rather than trying to befriend people individually.
Yeahhh, this definitely seems like the way to go for me. If New Year's resolutions carry any meaning, I'm setting out to stop lurking, go out there and just say stuff that interests me in the hopes I attract similar-minded people. Initiating conversations are hard for me, and I guess there is the major fear of being ignored. Probably need to just suck it up and get used to it.

Thanks for the advice! I can't really tolerate going outside meeting people yet, so maybe I'll just make baby steps with interacting in group chats. I wish I can make another extroverted friend to at least balance my personality out. All my close friends are either far away or too busy, so it's just me with my introverted self recently.

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I guess I've been a "Hikikomori" since about about December, after having a constant struggle with my anxiety and depression which led to me dropping out of school, I'm currently looking for a job but for the past months have pretty much been a NEET. What I'm wondering are your days usually like? Do you have a schedule? If you have mental issues what helps you cope? Just curious
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I think a big part of my depression is never using my brain


I think I relate to this. I'm not an awkward person and I like to think I'm pretty normal, but what gets me are the days where I'm unproductive, like today. I was gonna study for this big test I have coming up, but I also enjoy working on my car a lot. It's very therapeutic to sit outside, put on some tunes and just proceed to fuck around with my project car. Today, however, I did neither of those things and I feel like shit because of it. I woke up at 8am today with motivation to really get shit done, but it's now just past 8pm and I'm thinking of all the hours wasted watching youtube videos and bullshitting when I could've studied for just an hour and it would've meant something and then maybe I'd feel okay to go work on my car. Fuck man just thinking about this kinda sucks, but tomorrow, even with much less free time during the day, I'm gonna tackle both those things and more. I can feel it


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I've been a hikkineet since 2018(dropped out) and it's the same, painfully boring cycle everyday. Most of my days are spent rotting inside my room, browsing the internet, forcing myself to do hobbies I once enjoyed and now cannot stand, overspend neetbux, overeat or undereat and sleeping or not sleeping at all .
Many times I did try to get my life in order, attend online job-search course, land a job and then snap under pressure a day later. Fired. I cannot remember the month at all.


mostly just browsing the web, listening to music and drinking a lot. it's different when mental issues play up but overall the same. nothing to do…


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wake up, phone for maybe half an hour, get up and set the stove, talk to roommate, make breakfast. do chores and clean house until spotless. return to room and use pc: check emails and do other important tasks first; then enter web browsing/lazy mode. usually i watch a few episodes of anime or read some manga or get off the pc and read an actual book. if i've got inspiration I'll usually tackle a bigger project around this time and go at it for a few hours (something creative etc..) but im usually out of steam to try too hard at anything in the afternoon. twice a week i'll have psychotherapy in the early evening. then it's dinner, maybe a little more fooling around on the computer, and set stove again, now it's bedtime. usually if i'm gonna take a bath i do it right before bed when the house is very quiet, it helps me sleep best.
really I can't believe how well I've managed to maintain this lifestyle recently considering that I have absolutely no income. it's all emergency funding that i'm getting from welfare programs + money I owe my landlord. but i'm so beyond caring I guess. when it's time to go homeless again I'll just vanish. but god, having a bathtub and a bed and heat is a hell of a lot better then being outside..

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Who else here has a positive or at least neutral view/outlook on hikki/neetdom? It seems like most discussion in hikki/neet communities are pessimistic these days and was wondering how many here view their situation positively and possibly discuss the positive side here.

I just don't like people. Being able to stay in my comfy house and relax all day is a godsend. I wouldn't gain anything from waging or moving out. I have a lot more time to myself and I'm way happier than most people I would say.
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i will forever be your most utmost servant nantaimori



I have no real life or online friends and am incredibly grateful for my position. Putting up with other people induces unnecessary suffering (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedgehog%27s_dilemma). Moreover, I suspect that having friends can spread conformity/mainstream cultural "memes" in a person.
I assume that it works both ways: The people who are more likely to have friends tend to be more hive minded because they can find people who they can relate to in the first place, and in turn, interacting with others who are laymen makes one gradually become more mainstream/conformist because of the diffusion of those commonplace memes.


>Moreover, I suspect that having friends can spread conformity/mainstream cultural "memes" in a person.
I believe it's related to the automaton like behavior of most people. People absorb input from their environment, filter it through their ego and then react and form beliefs based on that data. If a person discovers this pattern, the environment loses its control over the mind and the true self regains its power.
Having no friends means less input from the world, but thanks to the Internet, it doesn't really make much of a difference these days, as friendless individuals are constantly subjected to outside influences via the Internet.


I wish I could give all of you a hug, seriously
I've been trying to hug my dad at least once each day
Anyways if anyone needs someone to talk to
and we could be penpals
I've been looking at a lot of philosophy lately


being a hikkineet is like an introverted psychopath thing

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listening to time by pink floyd good night anons, i wish a very very nice night and sweet dreams
draw made it by me: PURRanon
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Self portrait. What do you think?


cute :3


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decided to do this to refresh my brain while i was drawing smth else. love drawing


Cute drawings.

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just figured out I suffer from this shit, and it really explains a lot of the shit I went through and the hellish state is trapped in now. so I was wondering if any of you anons are suffering from the same shit?

but before it's asked no schizoid personality disorder is not related to schizophrenia.
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I've read quite a lot of bores so yours can't be drudging as I'm interested in what you have to say and also because if I might have it. I have the "symptoms" to a T and don't think anything's necessarily wrong with me for having them but am still amicable towards the act of befriending and used to be a talkative person who cracked jokes (not that I was sunshine), though looking back at when I was homeschooled I would've been comfortable not saying anything to anyone and that I didn't want to be lonely hence why I forced myself to talk but that could just be me ignoring my gut to stop seeking others' approval. A lot of my morality may just come off as having it as well, and I don't know what came first and if it came subconsciously. I deduced I could be a sperg, negative schizo, depressed, a mere moody sycophant, etc. so I'd like to hear how you feel. The company I keep could've also made me one manually so maybe I was nurtured into it and therefore not really have it, or I surrounded myself with such people in the first place because our frequencies blended better. I'm playing up the disorder like it's supposed to fit into this box and personality that normal people who don't understand view it as which is obnoxious and insufferable but for the sake of covering all angles and its guidelines I muse. I know this post is garbage because I've recently been mindfucked. I want to know for myself if I have it because I am only a human and therefore can be quantified and understood better, not because I want a label.


"schizoid personality disorder" doesn't cause anything, it is a description of symptoms. Compared to real disorders, having the symptom itself is the disorder regardless of underlying causes.

>It's demonstrably made my life harder in the past to the point I can't in good conscience call it a bogus diagnosis

This is entirely wrong and the main reason why I don't like "schizoid personality disorder". It has not made your life harder. What has made your life harder was your inability to connect with people, your fear of intimacy, and your destructive personality. You do not have schizoid personality disorder any more than stacy has whoreish slut disorder. If there is a biological difference in people with spd, then there is a biological difference in everybody with a unique personality.


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I'm curious what you were going to say about nature v. nurture so I could have a focused base to my experiences and thoughts on the logic and nature of it. If it's something that can develop from circumstance can it also regress with time and effort, how much of it converges with the post-war isolation and mental sickness of our age, it only has a low diagnosis rate because few people care to get it confirmed by psychologists and are unbothered by it so how many "schizoids" exist, it's oddly widespread for a mental disorder or much of humanity simply has become more jaded and withdrawn. None of the symptoms stuck out to me as illogical to get induced to or something that can't be inherited nor comes off as anything more than a state of mind.

When I read about it for the first time it seemed like a maladaptive introverted personality that underwent childhood transgression/trauma, similar to how the earlier post asked how this is considered a disorder. So I wonder what the logic and feelings were when you just felt like not socializing anymore and getting depressed, and what the reply to that post said about similarities in it despite different upbringings and experiences. And if I do have it and relate to what you went through it'd explain things I didn't even realize about my behavior and choices towards socializing. Excuse me if my two previous posts were rushed and ingenuine, and put you off from carrying the conversation, I'm really trying and I am interested. I also got diagnosed with ADHD and OCD as a child if that helps.

Also to expound, I believe personality disorders can be caused by abnormal wiring in the brain and that you could be born with it but it will manifest later in life, like how some schizos only begin to develop symptoms in the 20s and 30s despite having a normal upbringing.


7546 isn't me either.


To sum up why I feel this specific set of personality traits was from nature rather from nurture in my case:
First, I'm an extremely close match to the ones described in the DSM and ICD, with no factors missing or mismatching in those two. It just seems a lot more likely to me that such a close fit would happen if the cause were physical rather than environmental. The idea being that the environment is more variable, malleable and unlikely to give consistent results.

The fact that this well-delineated grouping of 'symptoms' reoccurs enough for it to become a diagnosis is a strong indication to me that it's something physical. I have some background in biology, and when studying genetic disorders this kind of pattern shows over and over: some single translation protein gets fucked up somewhere, the signal it was supposed to send is lost and it all cascades through the signaling pathway to produce an array of seemingly unrelated symptoms that nonetheless have a single discrete (or close to it) physical cause. My thinking is that it just happens that in this case the symptoms all happen inside the brain and are a little fuzzier and more well-hidden than something like, say, epilepsy.

Second, I was an extremely normal boy in a normal upbringing before the (rather pronounced) onset of it around age 11-13. I had no trauma, I had nothing bad happen to me, no accidents, nothing. It just happened by itself with no apparent prompting. It has also not once wavered and my preferences haven't given any sign of shifting in the near 20 years since.

Again, this is just my perspective and I have no hard evidence. I'm also not denying that in other people's cases the environment may have a greater impact: human beings aren't isolated systems, and it's not predictable how some trauma or how you were raised will interact with a developing physical brain chemistry disorder: things are rarely as clear cut as my case apparently is when it comes to mental development and issues.
Even if I'm right and it is actually a physical 'disorder' in the way I'm thinking, I have to imagine it would also fully possible to arrive at the same or very similar 'symptoms' through a separate path even if you don't have it.

>when you just felt like not socializing anymore and getting depressed

I should address this,Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

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How do you deal with an embarrassing past?
Also, share your embarrassing past. None will beat mine.

Humiliation is hard to overcome because I feel like I'm a trash human being, I'm constantly afraid that people will see my past in the afterlife and see all the humiliating things that happened to me and cringe. I can't be friends with them because I feel unworthy of their friendship.

I was a special ed student at 5 years old, spent all my youth with disabled people, they would lock me up in a padded room with no light when I misbehaved anyhow or didn't listen to the teacher.
I went to normal school after that and the teacher refused to let me use the bathroom, I peed my pants in front of the whole class and was bullied for 3 years over it.
I was bullied in 3 different schools because I had been sheltered and spoiled by my parents who thought they had a "special son".
I was beaten by bullies, isolated, humiliated, and had no friends for years.
I became bitter and angry and joined the chans, which fucked me up even more with gore videos and whatnot.
My parents left me to rot as a NEET for years to take care of my sisters and never paid attention to me.
I know my dad and mom hate me secretly and prefer my two sisters who are neurotypical.
I was an autistic retard, my whole youth. I can't overcome that and become someone I'm not. I will always be a retard.
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da hell did you do boy god damn


Is it easier to get a boyfriend than a girlfriend, or are other men just as selective in who they prefer?


holy shit I've been looking for a thread like this. I'm obsessing over the past. I worry that even if i become the president or something crazy like that, people will find out about my past and destroy all that I will have accomplished up to that point. This is why I have no ambition.


Don't really have it in me to write anything long-winded at the moment, but I struggle with daily things normal people find effortless and it sucks, especially at my age. I've only kind of learned to conceal it and play it cool, but this base incompetence follows me around no matter where I go it seems like.


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Embarrassment is a huge set off for me. Spent a lot of my childhood as a non masking autistic and I ended up getting in a lot of shit situations because people could point at me and say ‘yep that’s definitely an autistic.

must’ve been in like fourth grade when I realised I had forgotten one day that it was own clothes day (uniformed school lel) and everyone else had come in their clothes while I was in my uniform. Ended up having a huge meltdown in the street because of my embarrassment, got stared at loads.
Own clothes days have set me off ever since, I even broke down in twelfth grade when I realised I had done it again and I had to go home because I was crying so much.

I still don’t know how to deal with it, since embarrassment kind of comes pre packaged with being autistic in such a society. Getting jeered at, stared at, wondering why you’re so different.

Embarrassments just never been my favorite feeling in the world


Anyone here do it? I used to cut myself open, just for the sake of it really, but I regret it a lot because the scars never faded and I'm covered in ugly lines that anyone would be able to tell are from self harming.

You may also post QTs cutting themselves up.
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This is nuts, you're insane

Post more


why is it always femboy asians that do this (nice stockings)


I cut my arms up really bad in my mid-late teens/early twenties. It's definitely been hard to deal with but you learn to live with it and wonder sometimes why the fuck you did it. The mind adapts.

Also, I'm not sure why you get called a teenage girl when you admit to it when I can provide countless examples of fairly masculine men self-cutting. Seems like posturing to me, especially on these sorts of places.


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Here you go. Add me if you want, I'm not going to post anything graphic here anyway. Maybe you can be my next obsession. AngelSyrup#4138

Thanks ♡

I'm not sure - maybe directing anger inwards is perceived as feminine & directing it outwards is seen as masculine.


I did cut some. It's taken me a long time to recover, but I have. I don't cut anymore.

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I miss the NEET life I had…

> Current life in an apartment with girlfriend

> Have a job

But I'm still not happy. I feel I don't have enough free time. If I'm not working I have too little time left to sit down and actually enjoy a game, and when I don't do that I have to invest time in my relationship, and when I'm not even doing that, I have responsibilities to take care of.

Even if I have a job, I do NOT have money for myself, at all. When I was a NEET all my money and time was only for me, myself, and I. I don`t wanna go to work, I wanna sit down on my ass and make games and play games, but this lifestlye is long gone, no longer available. I regret some life decisions I made, I really, really wish I could still be a NEET.

Best scenario would be: Keeping my gf, become a NEET again, but this is clearly impossible.

Have you ever experienced regret from no longer being a NEET?
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>I'm still not happy
There's some root problem you're not adressing.


>The problem isn't her, it's your job. Find a way to work less so you have more time to yourself.

He did say best case scenario is become neet and keep GF rather than NEET and drop GF or have or NEET and no GF


I felt the need to reiterate I guess because other posters were telling him to drop his girlfriend and I think this is a bad idea.


Had this life and was not happy, but returning to NEET life isnt the answer


bad advice

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Don’t want to mention the specifics of what happened to me, but I fucked up without a doubt. How do you anons best deal with embarrassment? I feel like a child for stressing about this shit but I’ve never really had anyone to talk about this type of social stress.
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Embarrassment and shame have plagued me all my life, and I'm 31 now and still have trouble dealing with those feelings. I'm currently working on it with a psychotherapist. In my case, the embarrassment itself is relatively benign, the issue is just that it tends to lead me to negative thoughts about myself, such as "I'm stupid and fundamentally defective", which cause me to engage in harmful activities. Those thoughts are often irrational. The therapist has presented me with a sort of mental framework for analysing these thoughts and accompanying feelings, as well as the actions that trigger them. It's very useful to me. I'm still working on getting into a habit of using it. It has me specify the action that happened, the beliefs that arose in my head as a result, the changes in my physical condition (bodily responses to emotions), and the consequences of all the beforementioned, i.e. how I reacted. Then, I can confront my beliefs if they are irrational, and examine my reaction. It's a very versatile tool for introspection.


Been embarrassed so many times that I don't think it would affect me anymore


If it's small I just kind of make it a joke and that usually makes it bearable
The ones I can't do that on are usually so bad that I just kind of wait for it to pass and just accept the outcomes


Some years ago, I bought my first ever car. I had only recently learned to drive, and I wasn't good at it - I'm always slow to learn new things. The truth was that I was really really insecure about my driving - I was having nightmares frequently about being forced to drive on dangerous roads because of emergency situations.

On the test drive, with the seller in the passenger seat, I almost got into an accident when I tried to forcefully merge into a busy lane. I swerved out of the way of a car at the last split-second and ended up being forced to take the highway out of town. We sat there in silence. Eventually we turned around and headed back, and he tried to play it off like nothing had happened, so I followed suit. I told him the car seemed good, and we scheduled to meet later for the actual purchase at a garage.

I went home and locked my door behind me, went into my bedroom, locked my bedroom door behind me, and had the most intense panic attack of my life where the moment of the car I was merging into looming closer played on repeat for about 3 or 4 hours until I passed out. I woke up later and continued to freak out some more, and then I was berating myself about how I can't do any normal thing correctly. During that moment I was like "wait - I had a close call, not even a real accident, and it's completely debilitating me. I can't live like that. I really can't. I need to get over this immediately." Somehow, that worked.


For me, it's somewhat similar. I think about everything negatively, and it's hard for me to imagine how I want to be or want to feel, but easy for me to imagine what I would consider awful or disapprove of. I focus mostly on the consequences of those feelings.

"Is this useful to me? What is this feeling actually doing to me, for me? What is my plan? If I intend to keep trying, to live and grow, then I should hold myself back only the minimum necessary amount."

That helps me see it as irrational, as not 'right', and that gives me a huge boost in my ability to move on from it. It will still haunt me somewhat, but somehow I'll know "I can get over this - eventually." That's what was sort of forced into place by that driving incident - my embarrassment and the subsequent response to it was so severe that even in the middle of the panic attack I realized how absurd it was.



What you did after you came home resonate a lot with what I would like to do once I remember some cringe moments in my past.

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I'm beginning to believe that there is truly a hard set limit regarding how much we can truly improve ourselves.
I used to be a hikki, I didn't want to go outside, I watched anime and played video games all day, I took part in niche communities and hobbies and was generally a social outcast. Yet I had aspirations to get a slice of a regular life, a slice with friends and girls like you'd see in your SOLs, and so I did it.
Throughout all the odds and all the pain I forced myself to go out relatively frequently, I got the friends, I got the life I even got a girl for a short period of time. Sure I wasn't a chad or even a normie but for a long time I experienced true cyborgism, something I had worked towards for ages.
Yet for what? What has it brought me? I've never enjoyed it, I've never enjoyed socializing, hanging out, having a girlfriend, nothing. Even after I shed my anxiety all I was left with was a general distaste for socializing. Socializing has mostly brought me hardships and suffering I still experience today, and it just makes me think "why did I make myself do this for so long when I never enjoyed it?"
And it made me realize something. Of course I didn't enjoy it, it's simply not who I am. Simply not what I was built to enjoy. This extroversion, this social life, it's simply not for me. And yet I, and collectively a large amount of shut ins, had/have this illusion that being extroverted is something to aspire to, a self improvement goal. But it isn't, there are simply those built to have a normal social life and those who aren't. Not everyone can or even necessarily wants to have this social life, yet it's almost like we're brainwashed into thinking that it's an inherently better way of life than what we have now. There is a fine line between self improvement and being someone you're not.
Proper hygiene, cleanliness, passion to do anything, are all things that are self improvement, but being someone you're not, a normie, a cyborg a social individual is simply something you're born with or not, and I think accepting that reality is pretty important.
Sorry for the text dump, just getting that off my chest before I resume going back into full blown hikkism like days of yester year.
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>Yet for what? What has it brought me? I've never enjoyed it, I've never enjoyed socializing, hanging out, having a girlfriend, nothing. Even after I shed my anxiety all I was left with was a general distaste for socializing.
You must either like socializing enough or feel enough of an aversion to isolation (or a drive to conform) to do so. That includes coming on here and posting this because online posting is a form of socialization when one expects interaction in turn, especially if it is done for non-practical reasons. You posting that you dislike socialization is ironic, though understandable. I dislike it too, but I engage in it through imageboards because my mind likely sees this as a way to fulfill social desires without incurring as much of a burden as one would face in real life.

Self-improvement is fallacious because it assumes that there is always something needing to be improved on and that you are flawed from the get-go. There is no need to "self-improve" unless you neglect hygiene and other basic things. Why the hell should anyone waste years of their life "self-improving?" If you need to get by, then do what must be done (job, military, welfare, etc.). Just enjoy this life as it comes, fulfill basic needs like shelter, and you are set.

>achieve greatness
What would you define "greatness" as?


>>You must either like socializing enough or feel enough of an aversion to isolation (or a drive to conform) to do so.

I suppose I was too broad, of course everyone requires an amount of socialization (as we are group animals) and I too find image boards to be the most comfortable level of such socialization i can consistently tolerate, anything beyond that is when it starts becoming much of a nuisance.

I did desire conformity, because I was simply made to believe that it was the only way to properly live.

>Self-improvement is fallacious because it assumes that there is always something needing to be improved on and that you are flawed from the get-go.

We are inherently flawed as perfection is only an ideal created as a goal post for improvement. The argument whether you 'should' aim for improvement or not is of course entirely subjective, and I think either opinion is fine, but the desire to self improve, whether that be in a skill, socializing, or else wise is something most people have even if they don't inherently act on it.

I also have things in life I'd like to improve in, skills and crafts, but I think it's important to realize what you truly want to improve on and what you've been made into thinking you need to improve on. I've wasted so much time and money wanting to be better at socializing simply because I was made to believe that was something you had to do. It simply is not the case beyond non-utilitarian reasons, as is most other skills you do not wish to strive for.
As you said, there is no need beyond what is needed to get by. It simply took quite a long time for me to truly realize that


>I even got a girl for a short period of time
How do you form a relationship?
People sometimes say that it will develop on its own after the initial effort and that one should not overthink it, but I know that I would need to apply myself to ever achieve one because of how reserved I am. How did you do it?


How do you form a relationship?

I dunno anon. I wasn't really the one who did any of the initiation. She had been a friend of mine for a while and one day she made a joke about us being together and I jokingly played along with it. After like a week of this joke she asked me privately if maybe I wanted to make it a real thing and if she could take me out on a date and I thought she was a pretty cool friend so I kinda just went with the flow.

I wasn't interested in her beforehand, and I never really felt anything that I would classify as love. The relationship only lasted around a year (though I was the one who broke it off) so I wouldn't really promote the 'go with the flow' attitude that I took.

I guess what I'm saying is that in my case it did kind of develop on its own, or at least I wasn't the one to develop it, but you kind of at least need to be aware of the person in a romantic way because the person who I ended up getting just 'leaving it develop' wasn't someone I was really into to begin with.

>> but I know that I would need to apply myself to ever achieve one because of how reserved I am

I dunno, I'm pretty reserved myself, even when I did socialize a lot. Not because I was ever particularly anxious, I just didn't talk much and always kept to the sidelines unless made to do else wise. I don't really think being reserved was much of a hindrance.

If you want my 2 cents I think it was just luck.


As someone who's extensively browsed r9k, OP's post is nothing akin to the garbage that gets posted there (and was quite relatable in fact). Being realistic about ones potential for growth isn't the same thing as being a needlessly defeatist tumor.

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