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/hikki/ - NEET / Advice

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 No.7283

Anyone here do it? I used to cut myself open, just for the sake of it really, but I regret it a lot because the scars never faded and I'm covered in ugly lines that anyone would be able to tell are from self harming.

You may also post QTs cutting themselves up.

 No.7284

Nowadays it's all about the harm I can inflict on myself with my own body. While cutting was a choice, this is a compulsion. The decision is made and executed before it reaches consciousness. I've strangled myself enough to spit blood. It's not so bad though because the marks it leaves always fade away.

 No.7285

I'll allow the conversation, but guro images are a violation of Rule 3.

 No.7289

File: 1656295981843.jpg (Spoiler Image, 383.97 KB, 2788x2723, scissors.jpg)

I dunno what there really is to say or discuss, but I've self-harmed for a long time. Started cutting around 13 and am late 20s now, but have self-harmed since I was a kid by biting my hand and stuff, but didn't think anything of it.

I always cut with blunt scissors, enough that it'd cause a lot of superficial bleeding but no serious deep scars, so my arm is still scarred, but it's all very faint. Used to do it very often, multiple times a week, and it'd usually be impulsive over being upset or angry, but I've not been doing it as much recently. Doing it with a sharp blade not only scars more, it was less satisfying because it cuts so easily. Using blunt scissors felt satisfying because it took more to cause bleeding.

I've only been self harming every few weeks now though, and when I do it, it's usually so impulsive that I just punch my thigh or arm instead. It doesn't feel as satisfying as cutting with scissors, but the bruises still look nice to me in the same way that bleeding did.

Picture is a photo I took one time, I liked how it looked.

 No.7297

File: 1656924293754.jpg (487.38 KB, 827x1169, __iwakura_lain_serial_expe….jpg)

>>7289

Well a week later and I just got so upset over something that I ended up cutting again for the first time in almost two years. I fell out with a friend and I responded negativity, but they said very malicious things they likely knew would make me feel the worst they could make me feel.

I've not been this upset in a long time, I feel like I've lost years of progress just from this. Recently I have been going to gym near daily and just got a part time job, but was waiting for dates, but now I feel like ghosting them and I don't want to go to gym with cuts. Wearing long sleeves during summer sucks, I wish I was better at controlling my emotions. They're so strong it's like a physical need to get them out, or I can't stop being fixated on them until do something.

I don't know why I'm blogging here, I should probably just try doing a personal journal.

 No.7298

File: 1657109665821.jpg (57.18 KB, 720x511, 20200717_141542.jpg)

I used to. I started when I was 12 using a woman's shaving razor. I didn't think much of it and assumed the marks would go away though I'm turning 23 this year and they're still there - some faint, some darker.

Sometimes they make me want to cut again as life has been upsetting. But beyond my arms… maybe.

 No.7299

>>7297
Shit anon that's horrible. I'm sorry if my thread put the idea of cutting back in your head by the way. I usually punch myself on impulse now too. Hope these arm ones fade quickly.

>>7298
Safety razor scars staying there for 11 years? Do you have paper skin?

 No.7300

>>7299
It's ok, the thread didn't contribute to it, but thank you. I'm just bad at controlling my emotions, and it crossed the threshold where I needed to do something more this time.

How long have you not cut for now? Did you begin doing other things because of scarring?

 No.7302

>>7300
I started doing other stuff (punching, clawing, strangulation) first as knee-jerk reactions to despair. When I started cutting it was just because blood is cool. The ritual of getting out my knife and the focus enduring the pain took would take me out of whatever loop was going on in my mind, but I never relied on it so it wasn't hard to stop. The scars are why I stopped, specifically a diagonal one who's angle I find extremely ugly. I've thought about slashing it up with horizontal cuts to cover it up but that would only make it worse. Judging from the timestamp on the photos that was about a year ago. I'm just glad I never slashed my face, I know I was tempted in the bloodlust.

 No.7307

File: 1657610915539.jpg (37.91 KB, 1008x720, 5e5c7a5aecd0e582a202589e14….jpg)

Hi :)
NEET for 10+ here with some time between.
Haven't posted on this board for a few years now… like 6 ?
Wasn't it called something different back then? nvm

I did self harm in my early 20s and still have some scaring on my belly. The sad thruth is that you won't ever get rid of it so you need to include it . Going for a swim is hard and I still try to avoid it wherever I can.
That said if your scars are not on your arms and legs a public display can at least be avoided most of the time.
For me those marks slowly reverted into the background of my daily life. But sometimes they are a reminder how I was back then.
Sometimes I even want to be that person. It is weird but most likely I am just envious of that youthful guy that was so full of life that this yearning was enough to leave these marks on my body. Even though I romanticize that time. . .

The reason I even answer is the second to last sentence of your second post. I resonate with that feeling and action… But mutilation was the wrong approach even if it was impulsive. IT was the only way I could feel anything at this point of my life. Really it is the perception of being worth nothing that leads to this behavior.
You just do it without thinking.

I hope you are at least out of this hole. Rest assured that most of you self worth issues are not your fault but the way we live. People don't know and don't want to know and this can have a result in many ways. One of them is self harm. If you want to have some way of control you need to blend in at some point.
It is a constant struggle and sucks but it needs to be done to survive.

Sorry for my bad english

 No.7308

I have cut my thighs in the past with a razor blade. Recently I have preferred to burn myself with matches, I like that a lot better. It just gives me a rush and I feel a little better, it is a slight compulsion.

 No.7309

>>7307
Thanks for the reply lain. Yeah… if mine haven't faded by now they're probably here for life like you say. I don't care much about strangers seeing them, but around my family I'm always paranoid that my clothes will come up and they'll see and put me in therapy or something. I have nostalgia for times in the past where I know I was just as miserable too. It's weird. Everyone wants to switch their struggles with someone else's, but doing that to myself makes me feel like a goldfish. I'd write a note to my future self, but I'm hoping I won't be in a position to need it by then.

The thing causing it for me isn't so much self worth as despair for the state of my life/future/world/reality. Self worth is mixed in there but it's not a big part. I'm not quite out of the hole yet… and honestly I don't know how I could be, because most of my despair feels completely justified and reasonable. My way of seeing is always developing though, maybe there's something new in the distance that puts all of this in a different light.

>If you want to have some way of control you need to blend in at some point

Could you explain this a bit more?

 No.7318

File: 1659227598045.png (535.92 KB, 640x622, scars heal.png)

Another cutter fag here, I used to do it to snap out of depression trance, that state where you can't discern your surroundings. I mostly don't care if people see it because I hardly consider most people people, but it makes me self conscious around the relevant people.
Anyone ever tried something to ease the scars? I read about a silicon gel but the thing is expensive.

 No.7332

Never cut myself on purpose but I would punch and kick things as a habit absent mindedly so much that my skin would break on my shins and knuckles. I have also smashed my head repeatedly against walls as well as punching walls in anger really hard most of the work I have done in my life has been hard labor and lots of alchohol abuse so I have been hit in the head by people and objects many times and I know it has affected my brain not so much physical scars(tho I do have them) but the scars on my brain



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