No.56
Would poetry be considered literature? Anyway, here is a poem I wrote. Constructive criticism please. Also please tell me what you think it means, I want to know how it comes across.
Hell is not quite as warm
As I thought it'd be
In fact its quite cold
And very, very lonely
You could even say
That the Sun's lazy, gentle rays
Aren't what causes Earth's warmth
Each and every day
But the smiling faces of those
Who walk upon the ground
Cause the planets hospitable
Heat to endless abound
But thats when I realized
Hell isn't underground
No, the reason its so freezing
Is because there no smiles are found
For I alone know where hell is found
Its found in the corner
Where the people don't make a sound
If one were to speak up
And put in his solemn word
The best he could hope for
Is not to have been heard
Even outcast and beggars
Look down upon me
I, who know not my crime
Is avoided so carefully
If someone would stoop down
To tell me why I'm here
I'd escape hell for just ten seconds
To give an unheard cheer
Is my face so repugnant
My gait and talk so badly pungent
That you all won't even speak to me
To cast your harsh words or sad pity
So here I am all alone
The walls, hearts, and faces made of stone
And I'll put it out very plainly
This cause for this I cannot see
But I'm beaten daily by the fact
That not a single person has my back
My arrival to hell somehow began
At the same time I realized
No one calls me friend
Also, the format ruins the lines, but the next line starts wherever there is a capital.
No.57
Poetry is absolutely considered literature. :3
And I really liked it! Good concept behind it, complimented by a traditional rhyme scheme.
The only problem I had was a couple lines could've been shorter, to make it sound smoother. But that's just a stylistic opinion, as this poem stands, there's nothing wrong with it.
No.58
>>57 Yea, I realized that some of the lines are all over the place. It was difficult to even get the rhyming scheme to match up in the first place. Thank you for the compliments too, I'll try and work on making it more flowing. :D
No.59
>>57 Yea, I realized that some of the lines are all over the place. The rhyming scheme was difficult to achieve for some reason. Thank you for the compliments too, I'll try and work on making it more flowing. :D
No.60
>>59No problem, and keep writing and sharing!
No.68
please post more (:
No.69
>>68 Haha, I haven't made any more since then but I'll see if I can come up with something soon.
No.84
>>81 It may be due to modern wording combined with an old style rhyming scheme, more likely though is what you said. Some of the lines were difficult to rhyme.
No.87
Ah, Hell, yes, it is very cold indeed. Sometimes, I still feel its cold tendrils leaking through the gates that bar it from where I am now.
No.110
Been a while since I posted anything, the thing is, my best poetry just seems to happen. It works well as an emotional vent.
Heres something to whet your pallets though.
Not happy, nor sad
Not a valley, nor a hill
I'm in the middle
No.111
>>110I like it.
it has flow, and brevity.
keep writing. (:
No.167
I think this is so beautiful, and, just… skfkgkh.
It has a lovely rhyme to it, and upon reading it I was just struck by the need to comment.
I've never commented on Uboachan before, so damn you.
No.168
Oh wow, I completely forgot about this thread, may have to post something again here soon. Also, thanks for the praise lovely people. ;D
No.200
Not a poem, though nonetheless is meant to flow the same. Wrote it impromptu while listening to Debussy.
taken tiny as a reed
splendid steel
flustered seagull
assorted dumpling march
jumping on one heel
incandescent
genteel
how does a lake feel
encouraged storm thunder scorn delivered underwhelming bristled horn
cast, casted
last, outlasted
fasting spline
function remastered
whereabout triumvirates
interlocutory
cursory entailed
No.202
And this is just something I did in order to say "fuck you" to people who write line upon line without saying one god damned thing.
tyrannous beauty's reprieve
a solipsist flower
in shackles settle
your narcissist power
