/hikki/ - NEET / Advice

it does not enjoy

>College student
>Just trying to get by
>Trying to draw recently
>Trying to not procrastinate and sleep all day

Pretty much it for me.

>decide to go buy some food
>forget item i purchased at cashier
>go back immediately
>the employees are laughing at me
Ahhh…sooo good to be alive.

>>4597
Are you sure they were laughing to make fun of you and not just laughing because it is an awkward situation and everybody tried to make light of it? Except if you were buying something really weird.

I'm so sorry about your father, Anon.
Truly grieving and figuring out exactly what hurts, what has been damaged but numbed, and what might a path to healing might even begin to look like takes years. The sooner you can embrace that pain the sooner you will be out of it, but it's so much easier said than done. I hope you find a way to use the tragedy as a strength, whether as positive motivation, or even as fuel for rage that you can use to barrel through fears about work, school, or whatever.

>5 years old
>Mom puts me in piano lessons just to try it out
>Take piano lessons for 9 years
>Can barely read notes, am 7 years behind the skill level I should be at
>Decide to try producing electronic music
>Work with Ableton for 3 years
>Learn nothing
>Never produce as much as a loop because I don't have the creative drive to finish anything
>Give up, decide to become an acoustician

Wasted 12 years and a lot of money trying to make music work for me, and it didn't.

>>4602
Did you try, I don't know, practicing?

>>4602
I feel you. When I was little, I wanted to be able to draw manga like in Dragonball and draw paintings like the big artists. I had no talent but I still tried my best from elementary to junior high. Never improved in all those years and eventually gave it up completely. Same with video games later on (counter strike). Played for years, never improved, always a lowbird. Today I mostly play single player stuff.

It is not that I cannot do things just for fun. It is just sad that the things that were supposed to be most of fun for me are things that I am not even good at and never will be good at while other people can enjoy the same stuff much more.

Then I also came into a phase where I explored music. Then I really felt bad that I never learned to play an instrument, that I was always miserable in music classes at school and that I will never be able to compose a song or a melody because lack of talent.
I wish there was just 1 outlet for me to express myself and create something beautiful with my own hands.

>>4603
Not nearly as much as I should have, no. I'm not pinning this on anyone else, the reason I am so far behind is because I slacked.

I've been a hikki for 5 years now and I have about 800$ left in the bank account.
It started with bullying when I was a kid that made me socially anxious then I've had some major depression with a really bad BDD where I isolated from my family and friends for 2 years and was hospitalized twice.
Now I just really have depression and dysthimia and I feel like nothing is fun anymore, my emotions and blunted and I feel isolated from everyone and on top of that I have erectile dysfunctions.
I tried going back to school until I snapped because of the anxiety and the amount of work I had to do, the mental breakdown made me worse than I was before.
Now I'm starting therapy and anti-depressants after a third burnout, it was a week of panic attack and hypochondria about my mental health.
I can't go back to being a normal person and how I will probably live the rest of my life with depression and crippling anxiety.
I'm constantly scared that my mental health somehow manages to get even worse than it actually is because it's about the lowest I can think of right now, the next step would be baptizing my face in the toilet.
I still hate work and I still don't want to go back to being a wagie, I am so exhausted.

>>4592
>constantly exhausted, sleep 12h/d
best way to stop feeling exhausted is to suck it up and stop oversleeping desu. everybody dies, you're gonna die, but we all got shit we'd be better off shoveling first.

>>4607
envying "creative" types is like envying drug addicts desu. having fun is meaningless bullshit to add to your shitpile. be glad you are bad at it.

>>4622
>can't go back to normal don't want to be a wagie
more don't want than can't then desu. only thing better than being a wagie is being a minumum wagie and still having more than you need. way less shit to shovel.

k done you can all go back to having fun with your shit now(USER WAS WARNED FOR THIS POST)

>>4623
thank you anon-sama
FInally I feel good again and my life has changed tremendously through your mind-blowing advice. You are my hero, can I get an autograph?

>>4623
grb8 desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desudesu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desudesu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu(USER WAS WARNED FOR THIS POST DESU)

This is the third time I've been NEET in my life and for the first time round I have resolved myself to not cripple myself with shame. I just want to spend my time how I fucking want and not be constantly pleasing my family or moralfag retards.

>>4647
Ehh, you don't want to worry about pleasing your family, huh? Who pays for your living expenses?

>>4649
but anon, we all buttcoin gillionaires here

>>4592
>University student.
>Tried throughout my first year to live the normie life and met a ton of people.
>Can feel myself becoming physically drained every time I spend time with people.
>NotForMe.jpg
>Feeling tired constantly.
>Takes me forever to fall asleep, causing me to have a horrible sleep schedule all of the year - always running on max 5 hours of sleep.
>Pretty much just do the bare minimum to pass my modules.
>Spend most of my free time between classes just in the library or walking around alone aimlessly.
>Stopped talking to people as much as possible simply cause I don't enjoy it.
>Spend my time when I'm too lazy to work reading modern classic novels or wasting hours on image boards. Even getting bored of anime.
>Come back to this place every 2 months or so to read the few new posts that have been posted.
>Reading the New Testament as I feel a strong urge to - an anxious feeling in me is driving me to.
>Been wanting to write a novel for 2 years now but that has gone no where.
>Not really enjoying university but don't want it to end and have to get a real job either.
>Everything is so expensive and I'm constantly low on funds; another reason I hate going out with people as it always messes me up for the month.

Never been a neet and don't plan on becoming, nor do I suffer from any mental issues but enjoy this board for some reason.

I wish you guys nothing but the best and hope things improve for everyone.

>>4657
>New Testament
See that's the problem right there. You've gotta read the old testament or just pick up a Torah, which aren't translated in a biased, deceitful way like the, "old testament", is. you might wanna pick up a Kabbalah while you're at it. Listen, there's no, "good", and. "evil", side. God is everything, he is incomprehensible(book of Job). You can't try to simply god into this dumb, childish battle of good vs evil. Nobody can stand before god. Also, Satan is actually an angel. That's right; he's an angel whose job is to tempt humans as a means of testing them. Look it up. So much revisionism and misinterpretation and poor translation plagues the Christian faith. Did you even know that it's actually Yahweh, not, "Jehovah"?
jk, but still, think about it

>>4657
for me it's a similar situation except with painting. Ive been going to an art uni for a year now (still going through second semester) and everything relating to painting now seems to feel heavy and unenjoyable to me( even though i love painting and drawing overall and garnered decent skills over last few years). I feel like a dropout because i havent been attending painting classes for over 6 weeks now, im constantly anxious about professors not liking my ideas or way of painting (ive gotten that criticism from them before, i didnt take it as a personal offense or anything, but it was still difficult to stand up and go paint again). I'm starting to think, that these studies are not for me and it will only destroy my fondness of painting as a hobby, im glad that at least my drawing and sculpting classes are going fine overall and i notice improvements in them.

>>4659
It's not even Yahweh, it's Adonai